


Conventional Wisdom and Occasional Trash

by havetaoque



Series: Spideypool stories [13]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Drabbles, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mark me down as scared and horny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-03-14 21:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13599090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havetaoque/pseuds/havetaoque
Summary: “But he’s not really my type...Aren’t you going to ask me what my type is?”----A Spideypool drabble series.





	1. Avocados Aren't His Type

“There’s a blind guy who comes here sometimes who can kick my ass.”

“Yeah, I’ve met him,” Peter replied, grunting as he concentrated on the punching bag.

“He’s really hot.”

Peter focused on coordinating his breaths with his punches.

“But he’s not really my type.”

Peter rolled his eyes and hit the bag harder.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what my type is?”

“Nope,” Peter replied, popping the P. He flipped in the air and kicked the punching bag clean off its hooks. It landed with a thud and skidded toward the ropes. When he turned around, chest heaving, Wade was gaping at him like a stunned codfish. Peter smirked.

“I know what your type is,” he said, walking past Wade toward the locker room. He made sure to swing his hips. He knew Wade would follow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mission: Eliminate PARKER, PETER.

Wade sighted down his scope and decided he could spend five more seconds looking before he completed the hit. The target wasn’t doing anything too interesting – just reading a thick textbook – but his hair kept flopping into his face and Wade really wanted to know if it was as soft as it looked. Alas! Wade squeezed the trigger.

The target jerked his head aside without taking his eyes off the page, and the bullet zoomed past his ear.

Wade gaped.

The target looked up, stared straight at him across the street, and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m in love,” Wade whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is at his wit's end.

He’d tried getting him drunk. (Not an easy feat – for either of them.)

He’d tried using string. (And nearly got caught. _And_ lost his hold on it.)

He’d tried every method he could find on the Internet. (None had worked.)

When he was at his wit’s end, he even entertained the thought of poisoning him briefly. Just a little bit.

Why was Wade such a goddamn _alert_ sleeper?

 

Then, during a fight, Peter saw his chance. He scooped up Wade’s severed hand and took off down the alley, ignoring Wade’s confused look.

Now he could finally get the goddamn ring.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any posting mix ups! AO3 wasn't letting me post and then it posted the chapter twice o.O


	4. Chapter 4

“I love cuddling you, Spidey.”

“Right, but um, Wade—”

“You fit so well in my arms. I just want to squeeze you and never let go!”

“Ah—fantastic. Could you maybe let up a bit?”

“Oh, sorry. But seriously, Spidey, it’s like we were _made_ for each other!”

“Yes, I agree completely. Can we, um, get out of the dumpster now? Please?”

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Deadpool had never seen Spidey cry before.

He was curled into a ball, looking more like a sad kitten than Deadpool's sassy hero.

After calling out several variations of webhead with no response, Deadpool sighed and went over to him.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

Spidey peeked at him and shook his head minutely.

“What can I do?”

Spidey was silent for so long that Deadpool considered just leaving him be. But then he felt a hesitant tap on his thigh and looked down again.

Softly, Spidey asked, “Can you just… hold me?”

“'Course, baby boy.”

_I'd do anything for you._

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's obviously not interested.

Peter dropped his jacket over the back of the couch and toed off his shoes, yawning.

“You’re back late. Have a good time?” Wade asked, absently petting the kitten in his lap.

Peter shrugged. “She was nice. She used to play basketball in college. We talked about college sports, mostly.”

“You hate sports,” Wade said.

“It was mostly her doing the talking,” Peter admitted, flopping on the couch beside Wade. Wade shifted over to make room, but Peter just leaned against him, sighing loudly.

“Bummer,” Wade said. “Try that guy at the bookstore?”

_Why can’t I date you?_ Peter thought.

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took the words right out of my mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do so love these idiots

“Peter,” Wade said, halting in front of him on the rooftop. He couldn’t hold his gaze, fidgeting nervously, plucking at the seams of his suit like there were loose threads. “I need to talk to you. About something important.”

“Okay,” Peter said. “Go ahead.”

“I—shit,” Wade muttered. “It’s nothing. I’ll ask you later.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. Well, if it can wait, I have something I wanted to ask you too. Do you wanna get married?”

Wade gaped at him, then sputtered and actually looked _deeply_ insulted.

“Is that a no?” Peter asked.

“Yes!”

“Oh. Okay.”

“No!”

“What?”

 

 

 


End file.
